Thursday, May 8, 2014

To Me, I am Perfect

This post is a long time coming.

Yesterday evening I went to a group exercise class called Fit Fusion (similar to Body Pump) and afterwards went for a mile jog around the track in the gym. I didn't have my headphones and you can't hear the gym's music up on the track so it was one of those rare moments of the day where I am completely unplugged and alone with my thoughts.

Lately I've been trying all kinds of new tricks like the juice diet (overall thoughts coming soon) and getting back in tune with the nutrition plan from Tone It Up (love me some K&K!) as we get closer and closer to the wedding. I've always known that my wedding would be the one thing to "get me in shape". I really out of shape?

I work out at least three times a week and stay pretty active. Usually I'm pretty good about what I eat, though my sweet tooth can catch me sometimes. I never order french fries (always a side salad or veggies), rarely eat fried food, and never drink soda or sugary drinks. I have all of the knowledge I need about eating healthy and working out, but sometimes I completely disregard it.

With a 16 month engagement it finally hit me...if "getting in shape" (whatever that idea is in my head) was that much of a priority, I would have done it already. I can definitely tend to be a procrastinator but when I set my mind to a goal I reach it. I wanted to run a half marathon so I did. I had a setback with my hip stress fracture and worked hard to run a 10k while recovering. I ran my heart out my last semester of grad school and finally shed the 15-20 lbs that was lingering from college. If I want it, I will get it.

What's funny is I actually made this image the background on the home screen of my phone in early January. I wanted a healthy message to be reminded of for 2014, and I have completely disregarded it and instead have been counting calories, trying crash diets, and mad when numbers on the scale don't drop. And we all know I should have tossed that scale out the window months ago.

So I think that I have come to terms with accepting my body, yet still succumb to the societal messages that are out there. Everytime I hear about a "bridal bootcamp" or see the hashtag #sweatingforthewedding I continue to think about how I should be perfecting myself for the big day. What do I have to sweat for? I have a partner who knows what I look like and rather than running away he put a beautiful ring on my finger and asked if I would be his for the rest of time. It's certainly not for him.

Would I love it if I could slip into a size six rather than an eight? Heck yes! But considering I spent 2009-2012 anywhere from size 10 to 14, it's still a sweet little victory every time I pull on a size eight dress. I've also gotten past the point of sizing. I own items size small through extra large and I just buy clothes that fit me, no matter what the label might say.

I've come to terms with the fact that my hips will always be significantly larger than my waist, and know that some gals would kill for an hourglass shape. Healthy is my goal: continuing to be active, maintaining good nutrition, while also letting myself indulge sometimes, is really all that I need to reach what I'm looking for.

To me, I am perfect. And who's approval is more important than my own? I hope you'll take this journey back towards being healthy and away from "perfection".


Charlotte said...

LOVED this! Very well said!

Jessica Lawlor said...

This is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!!! And you are right, we are totally kindred souls because this post just speaks to me.

I went through my own weight loss journey and went from a size 14 to a size 6-8. I sometimes still fret when I see my size go up in certain brands, but I'm trying to remember just how far I've come.

You are gorgeous and you are going to look stunning on your wedding day! (And ew, I hate that hashtag #sweatingforthewedding- gross).


Jessica Lawlor said...
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Liz @ iheartvegetables said...

I probably looked like a bobblehead reading this post because I just kept nodding and being like YES! Haha, I totally hear you with the wedding workouts and the pressure to do absolutelyeverythingyoucan for the wedding. But it's kind of ridiculous! This is WHY I work hard to live a healthy life, so that when these things come up I'm READY! But it's still hard not to give into the pressure, especially for a wedding!

You're going to look absolutely beautiful!!!