Yesterday evening I went to a group exercise class called Fit Fusion (similar to Body Pump) and afterwards went for a mile jog around the track in the gym. I didn't have my headphones and you can't hear the gym's music up on the track so it was one of those rare moments of the day where I am completely unplugged and alone with my thoughts.
Lately I've been trying all kinds of new tricks like the juice diet (overall thoughts coming soon) and getting back in tune with the nutrition plan from Tone It Up (love me some K&K!) as we get closer and closer to the wedding. I've always known that my wedding would be the one thing to "get me in shape". But...am I really out of shape?
I work out at least three times a week and stay pretty active. Usually I'm pretty good about what I eat, though my sweet tooth can catch me sometimes. I never order french fries (always a side salad or veggies), rarely eat fried food, and never drink soda or sugary drinks. I have all of the knowledge I need about eating healthy and working out, but sometimes I completely disregard it.
With a 16 month engagement it finally hit me...if "getting in shape" (whatever that idea is in my head) was that much of a priority, I would have done it already. I can definitely tend to be a procrastinator but when I set my mind to a goal I reach it. I wanted to run a half marathon so I did. I had a setback with my hip stress fracture and worked hard to run a 10k while recovering. I ran my heart out my last semester of grad school and finally shed the 15-20 lbs that was lingering from college. If I want it, I will get it.
So I think that I have come to terms with accepting my body, yet still succumb to the societal messages that are out there. Everytime I hear about a "bridal bootcamp" or see the hashtag #sweatingforthewedding I continue to think about how I should be perfecting myself for the big day. What do I have to sweat for? I have a partner who knows what I look like and rather than running away he put a beautiful ring on my finger and asked if I would be his for the rest of time. It's certainly not for him.
Would I love it if I could slip into a size six rather than an eight? Heck yes! But considering I spent 2009-2012 anywhere from size 10 to 14, it's still a sweet little victory every time I pull on a size eight dress. I've also gotten past the point of sizing. I own items size small through extra large and I just buy clothes that fit me, no matter what the label might say.
I've come to terms with the fact that my hips will always be significantly larger than my waist, and know that some gals would kill for an hourglass shape. Healthy is my goal: continuing to be active, maintaining good nutrition, while also letting myself indulge sometimes, is really all that I need to reach what I'm looking for.
To me, I am perfect. And who's approval is more important than my own? I hope you'll take this journey back towards being healthy and away from "perfection".